sH*£!#tty DaHMN bad LANG

// hey we need to have some interface for this tool we’ve created

\ oh ok, talking nice graphical interface or programming lang?

// programming language

\ alright, well let’s just embed a lua compi-…

// nOnonoNOnO! let’s be cool about it; we make our own language!

\ hah ok i’m game, let’s just tell the boss it COULDN’T be done ANY other way! :D where do we start? got a syntax in mind?

// ok hear me out, i’ve been thinking about this for awhile, it’s gonna be epic

\ well let’s hear it, what is the language that the master linguist inside of you speak of? a flexible object oriented? easy syntax so people can focus more on using our tool instead of getting stuck with the language? or maybe focus on readability? maybe try skip as many special characters as possible? what’s the scheme??

// i hear you getting excited so hold your canoot while you hear these beautiful features:

  • people values their variables right? yea so let’s make all programs variables values each other too! like they all ShaRe The SAme VALues aLL AT THE SAME TIME!

  • also to emphasize on how we want our ♥variables to bare our seed, we always write their name with a heart!

  • let’s just skip all the control flow operations and only use the good’ol jump and jumpif (*assembles tears of troy*)

  • why use regular double quotes () or even single quotes (), let’s just prime the mainstream approach from stroke-city and use the tripple quote ( U+2034)!

  • in fact, let’s just use all new refreshing characters! like subsets for code block (⊂ ⊃), a phat asterix obelix for wildcards (), street signs instead of regular less & greater than (⋘ ⋙), big black blocking bar box for separating list items (), and like a tilted fence for array indexing (⟦ ⟧). oh and who’d forget arrows for jump labels ()!

  • and in the meantime let’s just add a damn c# compiler ‘cause f✱ck it i aint making all those cool features they have, lets just embed them lol.

  • fu ✱ ck the word concatenathan. i can’t even pronounce it, let’s just have everything be text, like ex ♥x = ‴lorem‴ + ‴ipsum‴ would of course give you the literal string valuiopop lorem + ipsum.

  • function return values confuse me like through the gyroscope and beyond, so like let’s just not have that. less headaches, right?

// hold on my cam is still booting… ok. now. tell me whatcha think!

\ …

// ?

\ …

// no thoughts?

\ bEsT PLaN eVER i!i!!!!i!iii!!i!ii LETS GO!! Btw I can see my tumour from here!

thats my current theory of how this piece of shieet language came to be. please keep in mind its not even an old platform. its from frieaiacking 2017! wonder it havent self combusted yet and just ashed to the ground.

at my current job im forced to use this tool G1ANT that uses this language i just descriped, on a highly regularly basis, while in full agony.

also, starting to actually wonder if these polish devs are situated in an insects safari, ‘cause they damn be breeding those bugs like woop cray

i added a screenshot of some code ive written, feel free to glance over my work of bytes. i do not stand responsible for eventual headaches or eyes gauged from this picture below.

G1ANT preview

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